Bah Hum Bug

I hate Thanksgiving with a fiery passion. I hate hate hate it. I don't want to eat turkey or pie or anything else. I don't want to pretend like I like food in any normal way. The only time I'm thankful in regards to food is when I manage not to stuff it in my fat face.

So my Thanksgiving consisted of one pack of peanuts (350 calories) and hiding out under the covers waiting for my headache to leave. Call me a party pooper, but meh I don't care! At least this horrible holiday is OVER!

cigarettes are healthy and other vintage ad lines.

Alternative title: gee mommy my asthma is killing me

Cancer is a small price to pay for being thin.

it's never to early for tooth decay!

well then light me up doc!

I don't even know what to say to this one....

Who cares? I don't.

I feel like I'm losing my grip on recovery. I hardly ate this last week and when I did I purged. There is a part of me that thinks, "this isn't good" but if I am completely honest I don't care. 

I just don't care enough to want to try to get better. I know that this next week I won't eat again or I'll eat the bare minimum. Its Thanksgiving coming up, but I don't know if I'll even get to go home to see my family so just like last year I will probably spend the holiday alone, fasting and exercising.  Which last year, was miserable. But better to be alone and not eating then to be alone and stuffing my fat face with food. Ha why bother eating?! Yes last year was a bit miserable but it was nothing that I can't go through again. Maybe this year I'll let myself eat a bit, but probably not. I have a definite black and white thinking when it comes to eating. Its either eat or fast. Not a lot of wiggle room for the in between. 

fat and ugly.

God I hate when people feel the need to say, "You're not ugly" It is so annoying. There are worse things in life than not having a pretty face. Like having an ugly personality. I would rather be nice than pretty. Sure it'd be nice to be both, but that's not how life works and trying to deny what you are or aren't is such a waste of time. I do admit that's why I focus on being thin, I can't change my face but I can at least try to be skinny. Yes it's shallow but in my mind its better to be the ugly skinny girl than to be fat and ugly. Heck who in their right mind wold want to be both of those things? I feel like the less space I take up the less noticeable my ugly face is

Broke College Girl Wine Time!

I very much want to apologize for the fattiness of me in recovery, but I won't.

The wine is good, its 10$ perfect for people whose wallets are tight right now. Go get some :) 

Force feeding girls.

In Mauritania fat is considered beautiful and young girls as young as 7 are force fed to gain the weight 

quickie post

My therapist said that my feeling fat verges on hallucinations, bah how can you hallucinate what is so clearly there?

body envy.

Sitting in class, I have skinny minnies, to the left, to the right and behind me. I am way to envious of them. They seem so much more confident in their teeny skinny bodies than I will ever be in my giant one. I feel too big for the chairs. I can hear it squeak, I am sure that its about to give out. I wonder if I should replace it with a new chair, one that might be better made to handle my largeness. I think about how odd that would look, me getting up and grabbing a new chair and my shyness keeps me from doing it. I send a little prayer up to heaven that the chair will hold me until the end of class, that my thighs will stop spilling out over the sides, that I will MAGICALLY, be made tinier, smarter, prettier, nicer, better.