fat and ugly.

God I hate when people feel the need to say, "You're not ugly" It is so annoying. There are worse things in life than not having a pretty face. Like having an ugly personality. I would rather be nice than pretty. Sure it'd be nice to be both, but that's not how life works and trying to deny what you are or aren't is such a waste of time. I do admit that's why I focus on being thin, I can't change my face but I can at least try to be skinny. Yes it's shallow but in my mind its better to be the ugly skinny girl than to be fat and ugly. Heck who in their right mind wold want to be both of those things? I feel like the less space I take up the less noticeable my ugly face is

body envy.

Sitting in class, I have skinny minnies, to the left, to the right and behind me. I am way to envious of them. They seem so much more confident in their teeny skinny bodies than I will ever be in my giant one. I feel too big for the chairs. I can hear it squeak, I am sure that its about to give out. I wonder if I should replace it with a new chair, one that might be better made to handle my largeness. I think about how odd that would look, me getting up and grabbing a new chair and my shyness keeps me from doing it. I send a little prayer up to heaven that the chair will hold me until the end of class, that my thighs will stop spilling out over the sides, that I will MAGICALLY, be made tinier, smarter, prettier, nicer, better.