My birthday is coming up at the end of March. I've never felt any particular way about milestones passing by, but this year I do. I feel as if I am not anywhere near where I should be in my life. I just want my birthday to pass without notice, because if people notice then they will notice me. I'd rather they not notice me, or what I have failed to do with my life. I can't help but feel like this year I've proven that I am just an awful person.
I've failed out of college, moved in with my mom, gained a shit ton of weight and messed up everything. How do I get back on track? I seriously don't know what to do. i fee awful, like such a disgusting piece of shit. I try to forumulate plans to get back o track but I don't seem to have any idea on how to get there.
I used to think that if I did one thing it would lead down a path and get me to where I wanted to be. I don't think that way anymore. I know now that if i do something it does not necessariy lead to happiy ever after, life is not like that. I wish that things were like a movie where everything wraps up in the end in a nice tidy perfect gift.
I just don't know what I am doing anymore. I need a sign, push, thunk on the noggin that wil tell me, "GO THIS WAY" It always feels as if everyone else is onfident of the road they are travelling, and I am always turning back, checking the map, worrying that this is not where I should go.
How do other people do it? How in the hell do people know what path to choose? Argh, why can't i just know which way to go with my life!?
- I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.