About Me

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I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Hey, path choose yourself.

My birthday is coming up at the end of March. I've never felt any particular way about milestones passing by, but this year I do. I feel as if I am not anywhere near where I should be in my life. I just want my birthday to pass without notice, because if people notice then they will notice me. I'd rather they not notice me, or what I have failed to do with my life. I can't help but feel like this year I've proven that I am just an awful person.

I've failed out of college, moved in with my mom, gained a shit ton of weight and messed up everything. How do I get back on track? I seriously don't know what to do. i fee awful, like such a disgusting piece of shit. I try to forumulate plans to get back o track but I don't seem to have any idea on how to get there.

I used to think that if I did one thing it would lead down a path and get me to where I wanted to be. I don't think that way anymore. I know now that if i do something it does not necessariy lead to happiy ever after, life is not like that. I wish that things were like a movie where everything wraps up in the end in a nice tidy perfect gift.

I just don't know what I am doing anymore. I need a sign, push, thunk on the noggin that wil tell me, "GO THIS WAY"   It always feels as if everyone else is onfident of the road they are travelling, and I am always turning back, checking the map, worrying that this is not where I should go.

How do other people do it? How in the hell do people know what path to choose? Argh, why can't i just know which way to go with my life!?

1 comment:

  1. Sitting around and making yourself feel worse by pointing out all of the negative things about your life is going to get you exactly nowhere. What do you enjoy doing? Get an entry level job in something like that. Do what makes you happy! There has to be something. Chin up!