About Me

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I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Who cares? I don't.

I feel like I'm losing my grip on recovery. I hardly ate this last week and when I did I purged. There is a part of me that thinks, "this isn't good" but if I am completely honest I don't care. 

I just don't care enough to want to try to get better. I know that this next week I won't eat again or I'll eat the bare minimum. Its Thanksgiving coming up, but I don't know if I'll even get to go home to see my family so just like last year I will probably spend the holiday alone, fasting and exercising.  Which last year, was miserable. But better to be alone and not eating then to be alone and stuffing my fat face with food. Ha why bother eating?! Yes last year was a bit miserable but it was nothing that I can't go through again. Maybe this year I'll let myself eat a bit, but probably not. I have a definite black and white thinking when it comes to eating. Its either eat or fast. Not a lot of wiggle room for the in between. 

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