I keep finding myself in the same situations over and over. I do want to change, but it is so easy to fall back into old habits. Even though the old ways of doing things are slowly killing me, I still seem to do them with way too much regularity. I justify it by saying that its ok since I'm a normal weight. Which is bull shit. I mean if I knew that someone I loved did the things I do there wold be no way I'd tell them it was fine because they weren't emaciated.

Whenever I feel like I may recover, the eating disorder thoughts start winding their way through my head again. Its so hard not to act on them, especially since it feels like they are right.