About Me

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I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

eating disorders suck

  • I buy clothes that are too big because I am sure they will fit me
  • I lie to get out of meals
  • I take too many sleeping pills because I’m sure that because of my size I require more
  • I panic trying on clothes
  • I purge into the trash because I don’t want people to hear me in the bathroom
  • I over exercise
  • I starve
  • I put food into safe/unsafe, easy to purge/hard to purge categories
  • I wish I was thin
  • I’m exhausted all the time
  • I dream about eating, then wake up panicking until I realize it was just a dream
  • I take laxatives
  • I swear I won’t purge again, but then do it all over the next time i eat
  • I worry about gaining weight
  • I hate my body
  • I’m on anti-depressants
  • I’m in therapy
  • I am unlovable
  • I am a bad role model to the kids in my family
  • I have lost friends because of my e.d.
  • I live off coffee and gum
  • I want to be perfect
  • I’ve went a week without eating
  • I have broken all of my rules
  • I wish I had never started this
  • I cannot stand being touched, I feel like they will judge how fat I am
  • I look at pictures of extremely emaciated women and am both horrified and envious of them
  • I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
  • I once clogged the dorm showers because I was purging
  • I feel lonely all of the time
  • I don’t know if I’m worth saving
  • I weigh myself at least 4 times a day
  • I wish my mother would acknowledge that this e.d. is real
  • I wish people would stop lecturing me
  • I  sometimes wish I would just die to get out of this cycle.

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