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I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

recovery fear

Lately I've had trouble with eating. I keep thinking of a quote about recovery "Eating is not optional". I can't remember where the quote came from but I know its true and I also know that I haven't been doing as good as I could be on this front.
I have a million excuses as to why I skip meals but when I think about it all of them are just stupid. Currently the excuse is that I'm close to 140 lbs, so not eating is ok. Really though its never ok.
But the negative comments certainly seem to come fast whenever I try to eat. I know I need to combat them but somehow lately I find myself just putting the food back after looking at it.
I fear gaining weight. I am so afraid that I will balloon up and become morbidly obese. What if when I start to eat i can't stop? That's the fear.

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