About Me

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I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The weird warped thinking I currently have

My head is currently a very negative place to be.

I don't understand why I am so attached to this eating disorder, but I am. Even when in the past its really fucked up my life, I still go back to it as if it will solve all my problem.

Which of course is utter bullshit. It never solves anything. It makes things worse. But there is a sort of  calm that comes with it. If I'm not eating, than I don't have to think about much else. It all gets bared down to the basic functions. Sleep. Wake, Move about the day in a daze, drop.
Make everything about numbers, calories and weight. If I make it x days without food, it means that I'm ok, that I can accomplish something, even if that means dropping everything else in my life. There is a weird sense of safety in it.

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