About Me

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I love my family like crazy, although we're a bit nutty I think we are more functional than most familes I've met. I like to blog and often am trying to figure out what site is best, so far I've settled on blogger. I love cats and very very well behaved dogs (but there really aren't that many around are there?) Diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I am trying not to let it define me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

*may trigger.

I lay in bed worrying about the food I've eaten. I add it up in my head. Definitely too much. There was no need to eat those pretzels or those peppers. My mind starts to race. From calories to how much of an annoyance I am to those around me. I over-share. I need to keep my big fat mouth closed, in conversations and when eating. 
I get up and drag the scale out from under my bed. Getting on I'm disgusted with the number. Just purge, I think. And so I do. In the dark into the waste basket. Still messy with what I just did I get back on the scale, the number is slightly lower, but I'm not happy with it. I shove it back into place with my foot and wash up. 
I'll fast tomorrow to make up for purging tonight. I'll be good. I'll be more careful with what I eat. I'll be all around better, I won't bug people, I won't put off things til the last moment. I won't waste a minute of the day.

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