Why i hate twilight.

Yes I know it's nothing new, someone disliking the Twilight movies. But it's my blog and I'll do whatever I want.

What don't I like about the books/movies? Let me count the ways;

1. Bella is a manipulative bitch. Yes I said it. She treats her friends horribly, uses them when it suits her and never cares a bit about their feelings. Most of the book is her pretending to care about what they are saying as she pines over Edward.
2. Edward is a controlling douche canoe. Oh man how sexy is a man who comes into your bedroom and watches you sleep without your knowledge? NOT SEXY AT ALL. Oh my God when did stalker turn into boyfriend material? Also the way he seems to always be pulling Bella (physically and mentally) along whatever course of action he decides is best really bothers me. Hello? Bella I know your a two-dimensional character but can you PLEASE GET A BACKBONE!??
3. Bella is a robot. Yes. I don't care how lovely you find her, what does she do besides clean up after her dad and masturbate  think about Edward NOTHING. SHE IS ABSOLUTELY BORING. She has not outside interests, (oh wait in the first book she did read a book for a second)  I can't understand her character at all, all she does is sleep, make food and follow her sparkly boyfriend.
4. Bella is willing to give up everything for a man. I'm sorry but hello?! does no one else find it odd that this woman is willing to throw away her relationships with her family just to get porked by a sparkling penis?
5. The writing and acting sucks. I don't even have to add anything to this. It sucks. YOU KNOW IT DOES.

eat, puke. repeat for great weekend.

Oh my goodness this weekend was tough. I ate, than freaked out about it and made a mess out of things by giving into urges to get rid of the food. 

I'm trying not to dwell on this, but a part of me is so terrified that I will fail at recovery. I don't want to fail, but I'm so scared I will!! and of course there is that part of me that wants to hold onto the eating disorder, ugh. I know that there is a huge part of me that doesn't want it anymore. I want it gone, so why does the other part want it still?? Why does it fight so hard for the eating disorder to stay put? I need to figure out how to ignore/lessen the self-destructive thoughts that the eating disorder perpetuates. I want and need to have an happier internal dialogue, otherwise I will fail at recovery. 
I need to forgive myself for this weekend and start over again.